Wednesday, September 03, 2003
A Poet Addresses His Poems
Order! Order!
Will you please come to order!
Stop giggling you humorous poems, this is serious.
Oh, stop your whining you sonnets.
You’ll get a chance to have your say.
Settle down, you unruly free verse poems.
Very well, I have gathered you here today
to tell you that I am not pleased.
Firstly, it has come to my attention
that some you sensaryus
have been trying to pass yourselves off as haikus
You are not haikus.
You don’t mention a season.
You can stop calling me a fascist- you silly beat poems.
I swear, you are worse than the teen poems sometimes.
It has also come to my notice
that some of you formal poems
have been bullying the American Haikus
teasing and tormenting them because they are not a recognised and accepted form.
I want that to stop.
Right now.
As for you erotic poems, you’re nothing but bad porn
or third-rate love poems at best.
Don’t you smile, you love poems,
you have nothing to smile about.
I have a good mind to delete the lot of you.
Speaking of deleting,
I regret to inform you teen poems
that I am getting rid of most of you.
You have served me well, and I appreciate that.
But now, all of you, save three, must go.
Sorry.
Pay attention you dark and depressive poems.
Dark and depressive!
Is that what you lot call yourselves?
You whiney, bathetic bunch!
I find most of you funnier than the humorous poems.
Oh, did you think that was funny- you humorous poems- did you?
Well, I don’t think you guys are funny at all.
Some of you are no better than limericks!
What? Ah, yes, I’m sorry, you limericks,
I didn’t mean to offend you.
Any questions?
What? What was the question?
Good lord, how am I supposed to know what ‘//-@@@78^-**’ means?
Can one of you other poems tell me
what that experimental poem is trying to say?
No?
Very well then,
does anybody else have a question?
No, I do not think that I favour
the unrhymed free verse poems over the rhymed formal poems.
Really?
Well, if you rhymed formal poems want to go out on strike,
that’s your decision.
Any more questions?
Ah, yes of course, the sonnet at the back
I know what your questions will be.
I don’t know much longer you will be in the draft folder,
And I don’t know how many times I am going to rewrite you.
Don’t you dare talk to me like that.
You are not a mature grown up sonnet.
You are a rude, impertinent, immature fourth draft!
I don’t care what the other poets are letting their poems do.
You’re my responsibility, not theirs.
And as long as you’re living in my p.c
You’ll abide by my rules
and I will not have you going out looking like that!
I don’t care if you are in the draft folder for ten years
Or if I have rewrite you one thousand times.
Oh, stop your sulking you silly little sonnet.
Ok, you poems, that’s all for now.
The next time I speak to you
I want you all to be in much better shape
Revision:
Order!
Quit giggling you humorous poems.
Stop whining sonnets.
Settle down, free versers .
Now,
It's come to my attention
that some of you sensaryus
have been trying to pass yourselves off as haikus
You are not haikus.
You don’t mention a season.
Stop calling me a fascist- you silly Kerouac try-hards.
You're worse than the teeners.
I've also noticed
that some of you formal ones
have been bullying the American Haikus
I want that to stop.
You erotic ones are nothing but bad porn,
third-rate love poems at best.
Don’t smile,lovers.
You've nothing to smile about.
I should delete the lot of you.
Pay attention you depressive poems,
you bathetic bunch!
Think that's funny- you humorous guys?
You aren't even amusing.
What?
Good lord,what does "//-@@@78^-**’" mean?
Can someone tell me
what that experimental poem is trying to say?
No?
Very well
does anybody else have a question?
I do not favour free verse poems over formal poems.
Really?
Well, if you want to strike,
that’s your decision.
Any more questions?
the sonnet at the back,
I know what your questions will be.
I don’t know much longer you'll stay in my drafts folder
Don’t you dare talk to me like that,
You rude fourth draft!
I don’t care what other poets do.
You’re my responsibility, not there’s.
As long as you’re live in my p.c,
you're going out looking like that!
Stop your sulking you silly little sonnet.
Ok, poems,
next time,
I want you all to be in much better shape
Will you please come to order!
Stop giggling you humorous poems, this is serious.
Oh, stop your whining you sonnets.
You’ll get a chance to have your say.
Settle down, you unruly free verse poems.
Very well, I have gathered you here today
to tell you that I am not pleased.
Firstly, it has come to my attention
that some you sensaryus
have been trying to pass yourselves off as haikus
You are not haikus.
You don’t mention a season.
You can stop calling me a fascist- you silly beat poems.
I swear, you are worse than the teen poems sometimes.
It has also come to my notice
that some of you formal poems
have been bullying the American Haikus
teasing and tormenting them because they are not a recognised and accepted form.
I want that to stop.
Right now.
As for you erotic poems, you’re nothing but bad porn
or third-rate love poems at best.
Don’t you smile, you love poems,
you have nothing to smile about.
I have a good mind to delete the lot of you.
Speaking of deleting,
I regret to inform you teen poems
that I am getting rid of most of you.
You have served me well, and I appreciate that.
But now, all of you, save three, must go.
Sorry.
Pay attention you dark and depressive poems.
Dark and depressive!
Is that what you lot call yourselves?
You whiney, bathetic bunch!
I find most of you funnier than the humorous poems.
Oh, did you think that was funny- you humorous poems- did you?
Well, I don’t think you guys are funny at all.
Some of you are no better than limericks!
What? Ah, yes, I’m sorry, you limericks,
I didn’t mean to offend you.
Any questions?
What? What was the question?
Good lord, how am I supposed to know what ‘//-@@@78^-**’ means?
Can one of you other poems tell me
what that experimental poem is trying to say?
No?
Very well then,
does anybody else have a question?
No, I do not think that I favour
the unrhymed free verse poems over the rhymed formal poems.
Really?
Well, if you rhymed formal poems want to go out on strike,
that’s your decision.
Any more questions?
Ah, yes of course, the sonnet at the back
I know what your questions will be.
I don’t know much longer you will be in the draft folder,
And I don’t know how many times I am going to rewrite you.
Don’t you dare talk to me like that.
You are not a mature grown up sonnet.
You are a rude, impertinent, immature fourth draft!
I don’t care what the other poets are letting their poems do.
You’re my responsibility, not theirs.
And as long as you’re living in my p.c
You’ll abide by my rules
and I will not have you going out looking like that!
I don’t care if you are in the draft folder for ten years
Or if I have rewrite you one thousand times.
Oh, stop your sulking you silly little sonnet.
Ok, you poems, that’s all for now.
The next time I speak to you
I want you all to be in much better shape
Revision:
Order!
Quit giggling you humorous poems.
Stop whining sonnets.
Settle down, free versers .
Now,
It's come to my attention
that some of you sensaryus
have been trying to pass yourselves off as haikus
You are not haikus.
You don’t mention a season.
Stop calling me a fascist- you silly Kerouac try-hards.
You're worse than the teeners.
I've also noticed
that some of you formal ones
have been bullying the American Haikus
I want that to stop.
You erotic ones are nothing but bad porn,
third-rate love poems at best.
Don’t smile,lovers.
You've nothing to smile about.
I should delete the lot of you.
Pay attention you depressive poems,
you bathetic bunch!
Think that's funny- you humorous guys?
You aren't even amusing.
What?
Good lord,what does "//-@@@78^-**’" mean?
Can someone tell me
what that experimental poem is trying to say?
No?
Very well
does anybody else have a question?
I do not favour free verse poems over formal poems.
Really?
Well, if you want to strike,
that’s your decision.
Any more questions?
the sonnet at the back,
I know what your questions will be.
I don’t know much longer you'll stay in my drafts folder
Don’t you dare talk to me like that,
You rude fourth draft!
I don’t care what other poets do.
You’re my responsibility, not there’s.
As long as you’re live in my p.c,
you're going out looking like that!
Stop your sulking you silly little sonnet.
Ok, poems,
next time,
I want you all to be in much better shape
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