Mr Mascellani's Musings

Say, Aren’t You…?

I was in a local café the other day, reading emails and surfing the net, when a young guy (teenager-the place was filled with teenagers) tapped me on the shoulder and asked:


“Hey, has anyone ever told you that you look like Billy Connolly “?


He said it very loudly and everybody in the place stopped what they were doing and looked at me. There were a few giggles, and a few “Yeah, he does-es”.


“Yes”, I replied, I have.


The fact is that since I have grown my hair and a van dyke (both of which are ‘salt ‘n’pepper’ in colour) I have been told almost on a daily basis that I look like Billy Connolly.

Just as I was continually being told that I looked like Tom Hanks when I had short hair and was clean shaven. I can’t figure out how any one who supposedly looks so much like Tom Hanks can suddenly looks so much like Billy Connolly –simply by growing his hair and a van dyke.


But, then I have one of those faces. A face that is constantly mistaken for other faces.


I have found myself saying:


“ I’m sure it's not my autograph that you want. I’m not (any type of musician in any type of band, or any type of actor, or anyone else you may be thinking of.)


But I stopped arguing. Now, whenever I‘m asked, I write some short message (‘all the best” or “here’s looking at you”- or something lame like that)- and then make a scribble that is meant to be the autograph- and the person goes away happy.


If I don’t give the autograph, more often than not, the person goes away pissed off and disgruntled, probably thinking that I am an arse-hole famous person who’s too good give out an autograph.


I am not famous. I’m a nobody, and not even a fabulous nobody, just a plain ordinary nobody. I prefer honesty to dishonesty, but if someone thinks I’m somebody famous and an autograph will make him or her happy then I’m more than pleased to scribble down an autograph for them.


But much more often I’m just mistaken for other ordinary persons and I’m asked about people places and events that I know nothing about.

Yes, my, in my opinion, non-descript face has illicit many different reactions in its time. (I get a lot of comments about my eyes- positive and negative) I uploaded a pic of myself to an online friend and she said that I was very handsome…. but she turned out to be a psycho-nut case. Another friend who had been emailing/chatting with for about six months, stopped emailing- and chatting to me when I finally uploaded a pic of my face to her- I guess, faced with the evidence, her oft repeated theory that ‘looks don’t matter’ was disproved.

My face has also elicited much hatred in its time. I have a tendency to suffer from depression and pessimism, but not paranoia. I know when somebody doesn’t like me- sometimes I am wrong- but it is rare- and many a time in my life- a person, when he/she first looks at me- despises me- looks at me as though I were a piece of shit at the bottom of his/her shoes. Or as if I were the person they have to kill.


So, there you have it, I have face that is mistaken for other faces- sometimes famous ones, mostly other ordinary ones, sometimes it’s considered attractive, even handsome, and at other times as the reincarnation of evil, itself—I wish, I had a point or a conclusion but I don’t. If I did you would probably be reading this in a magazine instead of this journal.

Remind me to tell you the 'What Do You Want For A Dollar' story sometime.