Mr Mascellani's Musings

Croak!

On the morning after the night that Darlene's father died,
the frogs could be heard to be a croaking
across the working class suburbs of South-Western Sydney.

Darlene's dad had been a slimy frog of a man,
and his wake was to be one of unspoken celebration
rather than of sorrow, grief or commiseration,
a party to mark the end of many years of no parties.

"Some of the parties that we threw
would last from sunset to sunrise to sun set again"
Darlene would come to say to her psychiatrist.
But it was years before we really came to enjoy them".

Outside in the wilds of suburbia
the frogs are heard to be croaking
as if all of them together are celebrating something.
All of them, that is, save one.

Rewrite

On the morning after the night that Darlene's father died,
the frogs were heard a croaking across the suburbs of South- Western Sydney

He had been a slimy frog bastard of a man,
and his wake was one of unspoken celebration
rather than one of sorrow, grief or commiseration,
a party to mark the end of many years of no parties.

Some of the parties that we threw
would last from sunset to sunrise to sun set again"
Darlene would one day say to her psychiatrist.
But it was years before we really came to enjoy them".

Outside in the wilds of suburbia
the frogs are again croaking
as if all of them together are celebrating something.
All of them, save one.

Rewrite 2

The frogs had been croaking
across the suburbs of Sydney
on the morning after the night
that Darlene's father died.

A wife-beating, child molester
his wake wasn't one of commiseration.
Rather, it marked the beginning
of the end
of years of torment.

There will come a time,
when Darlene tells a psychiatrist
of the many parties that were to come
after her father's death.
Some of them lasting
from sunrise to sunset
to sunrise again.
but it would was to be a long time
Before she truly learned to enjoy herself.

Now, across the wilds of suburbia,
the frogs are croaking again
as though all of them,
except one,
are celebrating something.